Discussing N’awlins Style BBotE Again

One of the reasons I make these posts here is so that I can have them handy to go reference later when my faculties are failing me.  So, when someone asked me again if I could make a N’awlins-style chicory BBotE I said to myself, “Aha!  You’ve already answered this one.  Email the link, you’re home free and it’s martini time.”  Alas, when I went hunting I discovered that the post disappeared into the black hole of server migration.  So, here it is again with entirely new words and a couple months extra thinking.

As you may or may not be aware, the chicory referred to in N’awlins coffee is a roasted root of the endive family that has little or nothing to do with coffee beans and has no caffeine.  So, why would you ever use it?  Answer: it tastes somewhat like coffee with an interesting “rooty” flavor when roasted.  That’s nice, but why would use it instead of coffee?  Answer: because sometimes you don’t have any coffee.

In times of deprivation, usually war and/or winter in Europe, something had to be done to bulk out the coffee supplies until fresh shipments arrived from abroad.  The Napoleonic Wars and the decade following the Year Without A Summer were a grim time to be a coffee drinker; luckily chicory does relatively well with cold and weak sunlight.  Or as a merchant you could increase your inventory by “stepping on” your coffee with chicory, to use the heroin and cocaine parlance.

Of course, coffee had always been something of a luxury that the poor of the 17th, 18th & 19th century never really had.   Chicory had the advantage of being more readily soluble in water which meant you could get more the roasted “coffee” flavor with less raw material than coffee required.  Make fun of the third world if you like, but as home to the former colonial coffee plantations their inhabitants were enjoying a better and purer coffee than what got sent home to their imperial overlords.  Assuming of course they didn’t lose a limb or get flogged for trying coffee rather than shipping it (SEE ALSO: pre-revolution Haiti and very similar blood diamond practices). Taken from this point of view, coffee mixed with chicory very likely was the normal flavor of coffee for most of the western world as recently as World War One and saw a resurgence during the Great Depression.  Of course, New Orleans had always been making their morning brew this way as they stayed close to their chronically short-of-coffee French roots (yes, I should be summarily shot for that pun).

Anyway, when asked if I’d be willing to try a N’awlins the first time I gave it a bit of a think and decided to learn a bit more about chicory.  If anything, making BBotE has been an education in the pharmacopoeia of coffee, highlighting the presence of things other than caffeine in the coffee bean and suggesting that I might be doing a preferential extraction of the chemicals present.  The very first thing I ran across was that the a category of pharmaceutical effect I’d never heard of for several of the extracted oils: emmenagogue – promotes or stimulates menstration; in high doses can function as an abortifact.

In light of this discovery, N’awlins BBotE seems like a Terrible Bad No Good Idea for half of the human race, especially if the extraction of those chicory oils is anywhere near as efficient as the pull for caffeine seems to be.

Sometimes the best science is the bit you don’t do.

BBotE Experimentation – Caffe Vita’s Guatemala Mundo Nuvo

Following Test Subject Zitron’s ebullient article on the Huffington Post, I received a flurry of emails.  Some of them were not offers for male enhancement.  One was from the nice folks at Caffe Vita who asked if I was interested in experimenting with their wares and if I would be so kind as to share the results with the world.

As if you could stop me from doing so.  Much to Funranium Mom’s despair, and now my Lovely Assistant, it is nigh impossible to shut me up when there is something I am itching to share.  And oh my, is there a scratch…

I felt the best approach for comparison was to ask for a region I’d already tested extensively from a variety of farms, roasters, and roasts (Ethiopia) and for something that they were proud of, something that got them excited.  This is akin to how I test new bartenders; I will ask for a drink that I love and make extremely well myself (the exquisite Manhattan) and then I will ask them to “show me their moves” as Dance Dance Revolution says.  I judge by my standard and then I prepare to be wowed by their standard.  Caffe Vita did not disappoint, providing a statistically significant quantity of their Ethiopia Nigusie Lemma and Guatemala Mundo Nuvo (no link available).

A Bounty Of Caffe Vita Coffee
A Bounty Of Caffe Vita Coffee

The challenge is to catch everything that was observed in this coffee’s BBotE.  The overwhelming consensus is that, regardless of form (hot & dilute, straight & cold, or mixed with vodka), toffee/chocolate is the dominating flavor but far from the only one.

And while the consensus of was chocolatey delight for flavor, the smell that stuck me most dramatically was that of pipe tobacco.  As a child, I used to love stealing my great-grandfather tobacco pouch and smelling it.  During extraction, I was instantly transported back to the that pouch with the Southern Railway logo.  To others, the nose was generally found to be a bitey toffee aroma.  And I quote, “A pleasant piquancy you never get off a Christmas toffee”.  Yes, someone has spent too much time pretending to be a Victorian toff, so forgive him.

As a hot water dilution, I found a similar martini-like dry sensation to other Guatemalans I’ve tested but only on the front sides of the tongue, which played well with the rich butter pecan flavor.  On the exhale, it was strangely floral.  As a son of the Great State of Florida this could just be my flower programming, but I swear it was hibiscus.

Straight and cold BBotE, as stated before, varying degrees of chocolate were claimed by the tasters with a creaminess familiar from the coating fats of the Ethiopia & Colombia Finca Yara tests of yore.  It tasted decidedly sweet and salty milk chocolate to me with a nice earthy/buttery coating character.  One claim was made for shortbread, calling to the creamy buttery flavor, and we could see that.  A nutty/fruity note was also claimed, though those claims were all over the map of stone fruits.  I was inclined toward apricots, but that pecan was strong.  Such is the challenge with the experiential flavor reference library of the mind trying to put words to flavors.

By far the most interesting response was from Test Subject James’ jalapeno sullied palate.  And I quote, “Briny, canned tuna…but sweet with chocolate.  I like it!”  I think there may be a future for hard chocolate shell encapsulated sashimi.  Foster’s Freeze and Starkist should get together it seems…

When combined with vodka for the customary test of alcohol opening, the typical increase in sweetness was observed in the BBotE but with a muting of the pleasant piquant bite.  Otherwise, no significant change flavor just a lengthening the the duration of aftertaste.

Because I can’t leave well enough alone and thought the flavor complex enough that something interesting might happen, I mixed a modicum of the Mundo Nuvo BBotE into a glass of absinthe over ice.  It became “annis Oreos”.  Chocolate, creamy, pricking of of the previously stated piquancy, a subtle absinthe bite and coolness.  Very enjoyable.

Another batch is running now to check for reproducibility of flavor.

Next: Caffe Vita’s Ethiopia Nigusie Lemma

Oh, Canada.

A great hue and cry has been rising up from the northlands, primarily from Vancouver and Toronto, with honorable mention to Calgary and Halifax, asking the following:

“WHY DOES IT COST SO MUCH TO SHIP TO CANADA?  WE’RE RIGHT NEXT TO AMERICA!!!”

Some of you used very colorful metaphors, explicatives, imperatives, and biological impossibilities.  I understand people getting emotional about BBotE and Steins of Science, I really do, but I’m glad Funranium Mom has not been giving the task of mail reader.  She has a delicate constitution and can’t take such maple crazed imagery.  Strangely, a similar declaration of vexation has not come from Mexico and the Caribbean.  Go figure.

It is the same answer as why it is so expensive for everywhere else in the world: Customs and, in the case of BBotE, perishability.

As far as the United States Postal Service is concerned, London, Ontario is no different than London, England.  They only really start getting concerned when I ask them to ship something with tracking and insurance to the dark heart of Africa (quote: “3-5 days?  To Kinshasa?!?! You gotta be kidding me.”)  Slower shipping works for the steins, but BBotE must go global express to get to you in a timely manner.  And no, UPS and FedEx are decidedly not cheaper.

So, what is a Canuck in need to do?  Speaking from my experience taking several liters of delicious alcohol and BBotE to Australia and New Zealand, evidence suggests that Immigration & Quarantine officers are somewhat uninterested in bottles of hypercoffee, though they are very concerned by sausages.

Step 1 – Make a friend in an American border town.

Step 2 – Have said friend purchase delights on your behalf.

Step 3 – Come to America and pay said friend for their trouble.  I also suggest buying them a beer.

Step 4 – Return home where the beavers and bison frolic freely.

In so doing, you are reversing the Bronfman Montreal liquor trade from the Prohibition Era but with caffeine.  Really, it’s only fair.

I Don’t Even Like To Think About It

And I apologize for broaching the topic before the high holy days of the Halloween/Birthday-tide season have passed, but *INSERT WINTER HOLIDAY CELEBRATION OF CHOICE* here is approaching.  Talking to the people I was taking money from while playing poker on Tuesday, they made the black cold dread of the imminent holiday shopping creep up my spine.

For Black Blood of the Earth, the concern is somewhat ameliorated by the fact that I am not running at the full 6L/day production capacity right now.  I can accommodate some ridiculous coffee demands (although I might make some local roasters upset/happy by rapidly depleting their supplies) but eventually, like Scotty, I’ll be givin’ ‘er all I’ve got, Cap’n.  If it gets to that point, I will start snapping some purchasing limits down on the BBotE to make sure that I can meet the production in a timely manner.  If you know that you are going to want a large quantity of BBotE, let me know ASAP so I can plan the schedule (hyper-caffeinated holiday parties have to be at least as fun as hep’d up weddings).

For Steins of Science, I normally quote a three week production lead time with first-com first-serve as I build to meet demand, following a good Just-In-Time inventory model.  In slow times, I tend to get steins out within the week they are ordered and I have only overrun the three week estimate once.  Of course, anyone who has worked a Kanban production line can let you know exactly how fun it gets when the supply lines don’t run right.  I have some concerns about a December rush, so I definitely recommend doing steins sooner rather than later just in case.

There, now the cold black dread has been transferred from me to all of you.  I’m gonna go hide under my desk again now if you don’t mind.

Announcing Brad, BBotE Pimp of Greater Santa Barbara

Mr. Brad Hubbard, the humble soul responsible for the current fourth iteration of this website, has declared his undying devotion to the Black Blood, held the sword & rope in judgment among his brethren & sistren, and not been found wanting.  In so doing, he has been anointed Pimp of Greater Santa Barbara with all rights, duties, privileges, and cocktails incumbent thereon.  His measurements will be available in the 2012 Funranium Labs centerfold spread and he shall have his first case of 750ml bottles available for local distribution this Friday if the winds are true.

You may contact him to arrange your fix by emailing: bbote [at] bradhubbard [dot] net

Goleta, represent!

How To Refill & Congratulations Are In Order

For the second time, St. George Spirits has achieved MAXIMUM HONOR.  If you have ever gone for a tasting and wondered why the staff seems to vibrate through walls, this is why:

MAXIMUM HONOR, Bottle 2
MAXIMUM HONOR, achieved over the span of 5 months

If you too would like to achieve GREAT HONOR, refills are relatively easy to do.  You just have to do the following things:

  1. Rinse out your bottle.
  2. Put your name somewhere on the label in permanent marker.
  3. Put the bottle back in the shipper it was sent to you in and return it to my address on the box.  While I sent it out to you with fast shipping, there is no need for the empty bottle to come back with any speed.
  4. Send an email to let me know to expect it.  In return, I will send you a 10% off coupon code to purchase your refill of BBotE as I would like to promote the re-use of the bottles.
  5. Wait impatiently, staring at your mailbox and harassing you postal carrier, repeatedly asking, “Is it here yet?  How ’bout now?”

But I hear the head scratching from the folks who purchased their bottles from your local BBotE Pimps or Pimpstresses as you wonder how you can get refills too.  ‘Tis easy.  Do Steps 1 & 2, but return your bottle to your respective Pimp/Pimpstress as they will be sending an empty Case O’ Caffeination back to me.  When the case returns, your refilled bottle will be in there.

Even More Q&A

Okay, you all are mail-bombing me and it is fantastic.  I love me some “Ask Dr. Science” action while wielding a delicious cocktail.  Bringing it on thusly:

Question 1: So, of the different Steins of Science, which one is best?  These things are expensive and I want to get the best one.

Answer: This is like going to the slave market and asking a mother which of her children will provide good value for money. But, if I were going to judge strictly on beverage temperature stability I’d have to say that the 1000ml is your best performer.  The cryostat properties are primarily a function of the ratio of vessel volume to liquid surface area exposed to air.

Let’s get numerical and create a “Beer Coldness Number” for the steins, AKA the volume to exposed surface area ratio, where lower is better: 350ml = 10.996, 665ml = 5.787, 1000ml = 3.848, 1900ml = 5.952, and 4300ml = 3.735.

Of the five, the 4300ml monster actually has the least exposed surface area for the liquid volume…but I somewhat doubt you’ll be wandering into a bar with the 4300ml.  The 1000ml stein is a more reasonable size to confront the average bartender with and the 4300ml is only a marginal improvement in relative performance.

Which brings us to our next question…

Question 2: Will bartenders really serve me in these steins?

Answer: Mainly depends on how awesome your bartender is and if the place suffers from a bad case of computers.  I find that the 665ml tends to be the most readily accepted size in my bar wanderings.

More seriously, most bar order tracking software has only been programmed to cope with pints & halves.  Outside of German restaurants and the nation of Germany proper, the computer probably isn’t programmed to cope with 1000ml servings.  Getting served with the half (350ml) and the imperial pint sized stein (665ml) hasn’t been a problem outside of Australia so far.  Bars without newfangled order tracking systems tend to be more loose and free with what they’re willing to serve in, although they are welcome to be similarly loose and free with the price they charge you (I’m looking at you, England).

Now, the tricky part is does your stein fit under their taps?  Shockingly, this has been a problem with the 1000ml at some places. To the best of my knowledge, no one has tried to take a 4300ml into a bar…

Oh, protip, some places will try to do a favor and stick your stein in the dishwasher to clean it.  DON’T let them do this.  Just water rinse.

Further Q&A, with Herr Direktor Funranium

Hello everybody.  Since last we spoke more questions have rolled in and BBotE & Steins of Science have rolled out to new countries.  Without further ado, your paraphrased & consolidated questions and my answers:

Question 1: “I saw what *INSERT PERSONAGE OF FANBOY ADORATION HERE* said about your stuff.  Can you introduce me to them?”

No, I can’t.  Honestly, awesome people are, first and foremost, people.  The best thing to do in order to get to know people is to say hello to them.  This is how I got to talking to them.  Being a nutter doing crazy things with scientific apparatus and alcohol helped in my case, but it is just as likely to chase people away too (trust me).  So, if they’ve made a publicly available way to contact them, drop them a line.  The worst that can happen is that they ignore you as you fall into the shuffle of several other thousand people vigorously waving their hands for attention too.

Question 2: “I really love *INSERT VARIETAL OF COFFEE HERE*.  Have you tried it as a Black Blood of the Earth yet?”

Answer: Go digging back through the Coffee News archive and you can see the trials so far that I’ve committed to the permanent record.  Not all BBotEs have been resounding successes which is why the five that are available are the ones they are.  Beyond being delicious, the coffee has to yield a replicable BBotE, which is sometimes tricky with light and medium roasts.  I will generally try a given varietal or roast two or three times from a couple different sources before I truly fire it.  Sulawesi and most any french roast have proven to be Not Good with BBotE processing.

Question 3: “I’ve got a liquid nitrogen dewar here in the lab.  It looks like all you did was slap a handle on one and I can do that myself.  Did you know that there are cheap dewars available on eBay?”

Answer: Okay, here’s where you guys tempt me back to my day job safety professional role.  There is a reason I use new dewars to build the Steins of Science, namely you have no idea where a used dewar has been and what has been done in it and/or around it. But I hear you thinking, “This dewar is in my lab.  I bought it.  I know exactly what I’ve done with it and all it has ever held is liquid nitrogen.”  To which I can only say, “Are you sure?”

Benchtop dewars are normally used to dip a piece of glassware known as a cold tip into the liquid nitrogen to help with extraction processes while doing chemistry (yes, I know that is a vague and unspecific explanation).  The problem is that sometimes these cold tips break and then whatever chemistry you were doing is now in your dewar along with the liquid nitrogen.  Liquid nitrogen is inert; your now failed bit of chemistry that was in the cold tip may not be.  There is also the fact that dewars tend to get stored under fume hood, sinks, and other generally low places where things can get into them from work above.

Sure, you can do some very thorough chemical cleaning to make it safe again but, really, no thank you.  I’ll take a new dewar, thanks.

Also, just putting a handle on is not quite as easy as it sounds.  Doing it without causing shrapnel as you are holding the dewar is the challenge.

Question 4: “Where is the Scientific Drinking World Tour going to next?”

Answer: Honestly, I haven’t the foggiest.  There’s no planned travel on the docket until my birthday in early November and that’s not likely to go further than South Lake Tahoe, CA or Reno, NV.  Otherwise, I ‘ll be doing my usual puttering around the SF Bay Area with the occasional side trip to Monterey & Santa Cruz.  There is a slim chance that I will be going to Fairbanks, AK next June or possibly upstate NY.  I find planning more than 48hrs into the future seems to be difficult these days, so who knows.

Question 5: “What the deal with St. George Spirits showing up all the time?  Do you work there or something?”

Answer: No, I don’t work there but there are days that I wish I did.  To me, it is the happiest place on Earth.  Imagine, if you will, people that get to do all the fun I do but scaled up by four orders of magnitude…WITH ALCOHOL.  The folks there have a definite appreciation for improving life with More Awesome.

More importantly, the employees of the distillery and more than a few of their customers have extremely well refined palates.  They are my favorite guinea pigs.  I know that if a BBotE can pass their review, I’ve made something worthwhile.  In particular, without a few not-so-gentle swift kicks from Andie Ferman there wouldn’t be a Funranium Labs.  She rather insisted that I share with the world.

Alright.  The Final Countdown has tolled in the office, which means it is time to head to the bar.  Take care, Internet.

Re-announcing The BBotE Pimpstresses & Brand New Pimp

Sometime in the darkest depths of August, a migration happened and Funranium Labs molted from it’s spring plumage to the new Iteration 4.0 feathers.  Unfortunately, some things didn’t quite survive the transfer and a couple posts were lost.  One of those posts was the announcement of the local availability of Black Blood of the Earth in a few select cities other than the Greater San Francisco Bay Area.  At the time it was just BBotE Pimpstresses Greta and Natara, in Portland (PDX) and Los Angeles respectively, but now I can happily share that we have our very first BBotE Pimp of Greater Detroit, Ben!

The BBotE Pimpstresses & Pimp are self-nominated devotees to the cause of caffeination that have taken it upon themselves to make BBotE more readily available to their locales.  By shipping bottles to them in large quantity, they can then pass BBotE along to you with minimal pain due to packaging & postage costs.  750ml bottles are available in Portland and Los Angeles for $45.  I also have reliable reporting that in Los Angeles the bottles have been subdivided into one-shot 40ml test tubes tasters for $5 a piece.  Starting next Friday, Detroit will be in possession of a case of 375ml bottles that will be available fo $30 a piece.

How do you get these local bottles?  Well, you contact your local BBotE Pimp/Pimpstress.  Here’s how:

For Greater Portland, please contact Greta [at] pdxyar [dot] org.  She is happy to bring the piratical fighting art of twin axe and coffee wielding to PDX.  Oh, she also fights cancer…though not necessarily with an axe.

You may reach the BBotE Pimpstress of Greater Los Angeles, Natara, funranium [dot] la [at] usefulmonkey [dot] net.  When not keeping the Dream Factory humming with caffeine, she spends much of her time herding the Burning Man community of LA and seeking the spiritual enlightenment that will let her cope with the the aforementioned herding.

And now, the BBotE Pimp of Greater Detroit, or Delta City if you are an OCP shareholder, Ben.  Ben is a tattoo artisan who’s heart is as dark as his metal and his coffee.  I welcome him to my shadowy cabal for world domination.  If you are in the Greater Detroit area and in need of a BBotE fix, you may drop him an email at via benjamineliasz [at] gmail [dot] com.

Well, *MY* Table Is Ready For Oktoberfest

After a fair bit of work, the steins for Funranium Labs’ table at Oktoberfest (Tyrolean Inn in Ben Lomond, CA) are ready.  Odds are on favor they will be seeing good hoisting each weekend from now until mid-October as delicious pork products, beer, and sauerkraut are to be had everywhere I turn! Speisekammer in Alameda, CA and Bavarian World in Reno, NV come to mind.  Oh, to be in the Fest Tent proper…

Prost!

Funranium Labs Is Ready For Oktoberfest...the little stein is for schnapps

A Field Trip To NASA Ames/Moffett Field

Let me start with this, zeppelin hangars are very large.

Hangars 2 and 3

Hangar One, East from the RunwayThey may look big from the freeway but you need to enter the cavernous space to get the full enormity; only the Vehicle Assembly Building at Kennedy Space Center has been comparable. They were also built around the same time as the last proper zeppelins, which is to say prior to the Americans with Disabilities Act and OSHA.  Plummeting to one’s death from the arch while working on an airship was definitely considered bad form, but hardly a thing one would call a stop work order for.  It was a different time.  Americans are now a soft people and I, as a personal representative of Americaness, am hardly fit enough to climb the concerning ladder/staircases of Moffett Field’s Hangar 2.

This trip all began back in May when John, a machinist at Ames, asked if I’d be interested in a tour of the hangars if he could wrangle one.  I said hell yes and asked if my friend Erik could join us.  I got told to hold my horses and to wait and see if he could make the excursion even happen first.  Sadly, Erik died the week after John made the tentative offer and it took four months to wrangle a trip outsiders could go on.  This most definitely was a trip Erik would have enjoyed.  It was dirty, it was normally inaccessible, and it was full of Science and History.

First off, Hangar 2:

Hangar 2 Interior, Facing North
Hangar 2 interior, Facing North

The smallest of the three hangars and occasional former home of the ZR-3 Los Angeles. It is where Airship Ventures, AKA the ad blimps you see cruising the Bay Area, are based. Additionally, this is where the experimental helium turbine that went up over Haiti for emergency generation and comms after the earthquake lives. And that all is in just the rearmost tenth of the hangar in this shot (PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: NASA would be quite happy to lease space for joint ventures). The rest is mostly littered with the detritus of 30 years of projects that seem to come to a resting place here. For example, this was a mirror mount for a telescope, not a Stargate prototype:

Not The Stargate

With no small amount of effort, I scaled the hairy with dry rot wooden structure of the hangar with John and our representative from flight ops. My Lovely Assistant declared the ground to be quite good for her and no way was she going up. I did not die, though a heart attack seemed possible, even likely, from time to time while making the long ascent. It was more comfortable than the gangsta lean ascent I experience scaling the staircase of the dome on St. Peter’s in Rome however. Sadly, by the time I got to the top I was too tired and it was too dark up there to take any pictures competently and the blurry shot below was the best I managed. My legs were wobbling for the rest of the day after getting back down.

Half-way up, looking southHangar 3 is a fair bit wider than Hangar 2, possibly intended as a home for ZRS-4 Akron if it ever showed up at the same time as ZRS-5 Macon. Currently, it’s floor is split about 50/50 between Space Systems Loral satellite projects and NASA/Navy airframe restoration, mainly for museum pieces. I’d had enough climbing, so we contented ourselves with exploring the antiquities. These two, a piece of the Los Angeles‘ airframe and the gas envelope sleeve removal man’s extension ladder were of particular interest:

Piece of Zeppelin Airframe
Piece of Zeppelin Airframe

Zeppelin Servicing Extension Ladder

Hangar 1 was built to house the Macon but barely saw use before the airship crashed off of Big Sur in 1935. Sadly, this building will be gone soon as it gets reduced to a whalebone skeleton for decontamination and hazardous materials disposal. The skin of the building is lead painted asbestos tiles that are cemented together with PCBs. If only we could find a way to make it radioactive too so that it would be a maximally difficult to dispose of as toxic waste. It’s sad because the building is quite beautiful with corrugated glass windows (!), but environmental concerns trump historical site registry for this one. The Navy claims they will treat the skeleton to preserve it so that a new skin could be built if anyone were interested, but good luck to that I say. A new skin needs to be installed as the old is removed if things are to be properly preserved.

Hangar One - South Door
Hangar One, South Door Up Close & Personal

Moving on. Here’s me with my head in the breach of the Supergun:

Lock and Load!

This is a 16″ gun that’s been reamed out to 17″ and then sleeved in a larger barrel is part of the High Pressure Test Facility.   Here they fire small scale models from what are, seriously, modified WWII battleship deck guns re-tasked for SCIENCE! down a Schlieren photography rig at a very, very thick target at Mach Lots.  I got taken for the tour of all the armor plate patches and cement repairs from where models went off axis and went spang.  The thumb sized Apollo capsule went through 2″ of steel and 2′ of reinforced concrete when there was a little bit of a whoopsie.  How do I know this is a WWII battleship deck gun you ask?  Well, how about this:

Once upon a time you might have gotten one of these at the surplus store too...

16″ Mark 6 Model 1, 1942

This means I have now seen two out of the three of the Superguns. I’m going to need a Q clearance again if I want to see JASPER, however.

I also got to go wandering around inside of the Unitary Wind Tunnel but none of those pictures came out.

In summation, it is sad to see many Big Science facilities barely used due to lack of funding and interest.  Of everywhere I went, the Supergun sees the most business.  All the other facilities I visited seem to be largely used as storage for files and equipment from “When We Did Stuff”.  Oh, I’m told the computational areas see a great deal of action but eventually you have to make a model into reality and we don’t seem to be doing that much anymore.

As Warren Ellis says, DO SOMETHING.

Malabar Experimention II

As stated back in June, I declared Malabar a light roast worth exploring again some point in the future.  The future was yesterday.

I found the “green” and cool flavor of the Malabar to be an interesting mouth feel and good flavor.  The question I had whether the flavor was replicable with BBotE processing.  Light roasts are problematic at the best of times because there is just so much there to extract.  Dark roasts have the advantage of driving of light oils and caramelizing what remains.  The challenge is not only getting something good, but to do it more than once; Panama is the only success so far.

Enough blather.  The results, courtesy of my favorite guinea pigs at the tasting room of St. George Spirits.

Straight: pipe tobacco, creamy, bittersweet chocolate, green, not quite menthol

Vodka addition test: honey again

In summation, it is replicable and it is good.  Unfortunately, the Santa Cruz Roasting Company is roughly 80mi away.  This means potential production of Malabar is will be by special request only.  However, I do have 2L left over from this test run.  If you are a brave soul, I have put two bottles in the Prototypes & Clearance that I will take back down on October 4th, the end of the Oktoberfest 10% off coupon.  Grab them…and ride as a leader of men.  Or hamsters.  Whatever.  We don’t judge here at Funranium Labs.

Labor Day BBotE Cocktail Experiments

Several days ago, Test Subject & Steinwielder Langford declared that he had created, and I quote, “the new most besterist drink ever with BBotE”.  I suspect he may have been hep’d up on goofballs at the time with that use/abuse of grammar.  His recipe:

  • 1/3 Cup BBotE (yes, slightly unhealthy amount), 1 Cup moo of choice (we made two batches, one with Fat Free and one with Low Fat – Both goodness), 1/4 block of Mexican Hot Chocolate, finely grated (available in your local Mexican market)
    …Bit o’ Mint (fresh or otherwise)
    Ice (small cubes work better)

    Melt Mexican Chocolate into Moo until dissolved. [You can modify this set and use a Mexican Hot Chocolate mix package if you prefer]

    After mixed, pour Choco-moo into blender. Add BBotE and Ice (aprox 1 cup).

    Blend until desired thickness is reached – we preferred a “thick shake” level, but the longer you blend it the thinner the mixture will become.

While this recipe is delicious, I couldn’t help but look at it and note that there is a distinct lack of alcohol.  The idea of a BBotE Mexican hot chocolate was tempting and the brain said that this flavor might be achieved with amaretto and tequila (in this case St. George Spirit’s Agua Azul Cristal “agave spirit”).  I was skeptical of my brain because it has thought things like this before and my tongue has strenuously disagreed.  Also, as long as I was breaking out the labware and going to be mixing anyway, my beloved Filthy Assistant suggested that I try to whip her up something with Drambuie, The Drink That Satisfies (says so on the label and everything).

NOTE: my girlfriend is part hummingbird with a sweet tooth that puts my pre-diagnosis preference for sweets to shame.  Seriously.  I’m off by orders of magnitude with respect to her.

Drink 1: Hummingbird Coffee Honey

Hummingbird Coffee Honey
Labor Day Drink 1: Hummingbird Coffee Honey

Initial mix – 10ml Drambuie to 10ml BBotE (Kona)

Result – honey front with a very long sweet chocolate/coffee aftertaste.  Quote: “Don’t screw with it.  It’s fine like that.  You got it in one.”

Ha.  Not likely.

Second mix – 17.5ml Drambuie to 20ml BBotE (Kona)

Result – stronger coffee flavor with spearmint overtones for me.  Filthy Assistant girlfriend hands the glass back asks me to put it back the way it was in the initial mix.

Drink 2 –  Jalisco Hot Chocolate

Jalisco Hot Chocolate
Labor Day Drink 2 - Jalisco Hot Chocolate

Initial mix – 5ml amaretto, 10ml “agave spirit”, 20ml BBotE (Kona)

Result – deliciously bittersweet chocolate flavor with the hint of almonds I associate with Mexican hot chocolate.  The Agua Azul added a nice salt bite.  I declared success and tripled the batch size and added an ice cube.

We at Funranium Labs are now buzzing nicely and ready for holiday hilarity.  Happy three day weekend, my sweet America.  To the rest of the world…a three day weekend is only a call-in sick away.

The Joy Of The Barter Economy

Once upon a time, before departing for australia, Test Subject Mickie Rat asked if he could get a bottle of Kona BBotE for the upcoming tour his band, The Secretions (blog to be found here), were about to embark on.  As the day for hand-off approached, finances became dire and it was clear that money was best devoted to the gas tank for the tour and food so they didn’t starve whilst rocking.  After some brief consideration that helping make music happen was a good thing, I told him, “You know, I’ve already made it, it’s going to a good home.   I’ll give it to you provided you give Funranium Labs the pimping too.”

When he showed up in the Ratmobile, he gave me a Secretions belt buckle in thanks.  Mickie, thank you much for keeping my pants off the ground in the event of the A to Z alien/zombie attack.  Oh, and for some mighty fine punk music too.  I find it is necessary to have angry music to do math properly and The Secretions make the equations flow for me.

"We Secrete - You Suck"Now, it has come to my attention that not all consumers of BBotE are high-falutin’ investment banker nuclear rocket surgeon physicists.  Many are artists, writers, and musicians.  I respect the creation of art mainly due to my own incompetence at it.  I’ve choked on paint, fumbled words, and managed to bleed just touching a bass guitar but man do I think it’s important.

If you are a broke and starving artist but in desperate need of BBotE or a Stein of Science and willing to engage in the time honored tradition of barter, I am quite willing to do so.  Heck, the beauty of the current incarnation of Funranium Labs you are enjoying now is brought to you by the power of barter.  The worst I can say is no*.

*: Actually, I know many worse words, phrases and creative imagery.  But the worst I’m likely to say is no.