As promised yesterday, me make coffee words much the good YES!
Let us begin with the bad news. As always, the limited offerings are called such because the coffees they use are not infinite. In the course of my insatiable need to experiment, I find delicious and wonderful single origin coffees that I think are worthy of sharing (and many more than that aren’t). But these are always small lots, either in what the roaster could purchase or the total production of the farm in the first place, so they eventually run out. And this has happened.
The victims of limited production this time is the Guatemala Retiro de Quisaya and, possibly, the Guatemala Mundo Nuvo. After the currently listed inventory finishes, both of the Guatemalas will be rotating out, hopefully returning by next August. There may be a bit more Mundo Nuvo to be had but the holiday roasting schedule is looking prohibitive for them up at Caffe Vita, so definitely no more before Xmas. I’m pleased that my “enough to make it to mid-December” prediction was spot on.
Now on to the good news, the hunt has yielded something I feel worthy of sharing. Continuing my way south, I have continued my latitudinal tour of the East African Rift Valley in Rwanda and I’m pretty happy with what I found there. My hypothesis of the north to south greasy/savory to chocolate spectrum continues to be look good. Straight and cold, the medium roast Rwanda Abakundakawa has a bit of a dry palate, not brut champagne but more like a neat martini, and nearly baking chocolate character and a light hint of fruit. There was some strong disagreement about whether it was blueberry, currant, or (as I shook my head at Test Subject Broken Tongue) jujubes. For the vodka addition, a molasses character emerged that made me wonder if I’d somehow poured in Meyers rum instead of straight vodka. With the three part hot water dilution, it just felt like have a nice mug of cocoa, which was damn nice in the ice box of my office.
So, hooray for another delicious African BBotE and I’ve made the pre-order for the first run available. I am, once again, hunting for my personal favorite, a Central American light roast. I have some prospects, so more news on that later as it develops.
Lastly, the production queue is filling up with some crazy people ordering entire cases or Jugs of Madness. Since there is some production time involved, domestic orders of BBotE placed after the 15th start looking a bit iffy for getting to people in time for Christmas. For international orders, please get them in no later than the 13th. And yes, if/when the production queue fills completely to the point that I don’t think your order will get out in time, I will make an announcement.
Makeshift South Pole Sumo – Yeah, The Decembering kinda feels like this
Once more unto the breach, dear friends! Let us confront The Decembering and not mourn the fallen but celebrate them as they are crushed beneath the wheels of so many shopping carts.
Adventure is the gift that keeps on giving. And in this case is still giving, because I get to share this story with you. Yes, I have more coffee related things to share later, but I want to take this moment to discuss the importance of Adventure as a gift.
I have a friend named Joe. This is his actual name, not an internet pseudonym to protect his innocence as he has none. In the last eight years of my life, Joe has been a central figure in many hilarious misadventures mainly of the “Everybody point and laugh, children” nature. I have often said that a healthy lack of shame will take you far in this world; Joe is poised to go to orbit I suspect.
You know the old saying, “You just like to push people’s buttons”? Joe’s brain presents me with such a large console of buttons, knobs, levers, and even toggles that it’s hard to not trip something. It’s like stepping up to a pipe organ to play. Joe knows this about me and thus treats me with a due sense of skepticism and paranoia.
One day, I presented Joe with a pair of stripey socks similar tothese.
Joe: “What’s this?”
Me: “These are your Adventure Socks.”
Joe (skeptical face engaged, begins looking for needles): “What the fuck are Adventure Socks?”
Me: “These are the socks you wear when you are going on an adventure. Someday, someone will ask, “Do you have your Adventure Socks?” If you do, then the adventure begins.”
Joe (looking worried): “Uh huh…”
Me: “So, be sure to carry those on you at all times, okay? You never know when you’ll need them.”
This pushed all the correct paranoia inducing buttons. All this was in conspiracy to do something nice for the boy as he’d been having a bit of a rough time. One day, about a month later, I told our general group of friends to clear their schedules for the day and meet me at Bocci Cellar in Santa Cruz for a nice meal and some bocce ball. I similarly told his girlfriend to keep Joe occupied for the day and that I’d be calling at some point to let her know where we were getting together for dinner, but not to tell Joe.
So, I called her cell from a blocked number, told her not to say my name after she picked up and act concerned as we talked. After a little bit I told her to say, “Uh huh…Joe it’s for you.” and hand the phone over to him.
Joe: “Hello”
Me (ominous voiced): “Do you have your Adventure Socks?”
Joe (a bit shouty): “Yes! I have been carrying these goddamn things around in my bag for weeks you fucker!”
Me: “Good. Hand the phone back to Stef now.”
I told Stef where the restaurant was and they headed our way. Joe entered looking very twitchy. We had a lovely meal, played several rounds of bocci, and had many free cocktails courtesy of the owner/cook that appreciated customers that liked strong cocktails/were willing to experiment. At the end of the evening, Joe cornered me and asked…
Joe: “So, why did I need Adventure Socks?”
Me: “You always need Adventure Socks.”
Joe: “No, specifically, this evening why did I need them?”
Me: “To put you into such a paranoid state that you’d ignore other problems that’ve been bothering you and so that this evening would feel really great. Also, messing with you is fun.”
Joe: “I hate you.”
It’s been almost 7 years now. He still keeps them close at hand and definitely takes his Adventure Socks with him when he travels. Because you never know when you’re going to get the call…
Pixel Squid Feet – Socks courtesy of R. Stevens, Feet courtesy My Lovely Assistant
EDITORIAL: My Lovely Assistant’s feet personally endorse the wares ofSock Dreamsand Mr. R. Stevens ofDIESEL SWEETIES fame. She is a firm believer in having interesting socks on AT ALL TIMES, just in case you have to remove your shoes and entertain the TSA.
So, as we previously discussed, I’ve been to Antarctica.
In my time there I got to visit two of the American stations, McMurdo and Amundsen-Scott South Pole (where I wintered over), and New Zealand’s station right over the hill on Ross Island from McMurdo, Scott Base. I want to take a moment so that I can for the who knows how manyeth time thank the Kiwis for the hospitality they extended me when I got marooned in McMurdo for a month by weather and waiting for my cargo ship to come in. Most Americans are only allowed to visit one day a week to keep the summertime 1000+ McMurdans from overrunning the ~50 folks at Scott Base. You welcomed my forlorn Polie butt to visit anytime and for that I will be eternally grateful. Also, you had way better food.
Scott Base Hat…In Action! – Signing The 2003 Geographic South Pole Marker
Like all the stations, there is a ship store that has various sundries for the staff and visitors alike. While I may have enjoyed the amusing designs of the South Pole Station t-shirts more, the actual quality of the gear at Scott Base’s store was far superior. In particular, I purchased a simple black beanie with the words “SCOTT BASE” embroidered on it. I wore that thing damn near every day the austral winter of 2003, plus many cold and windy days since coming home. It has been a boon companion in countless urban exploring adventures.
And now it is missing.
Perhaps by posting this love letter to my missing beanie, it will reappear and I will merely look foolish for sharing these words. But if it doesn’t, I make this offer to the world: the first one of you that can give me a replacement Scott Base beanie, I will give two 1L bottles of BBotE postage included anywhere in the world. This is likely a golden opportunity for some lucky New Zealander to get some free BBotE.
You know how to get a hold of me, people. THE HUNT IS ON!
EDITORIAL: Yes people, that is a Fairport Convention shirt I’m wearing. It was the last concert I saw, shortly before departing for Antarctica.
Alrighty, here at the start of December I’m making an effort to restock all the BBotE Pimps & Pimpstresses so that you can make a local pick up if that suits your fancy rather than ordering directly on the site. Go hit the Local Pickup page and drop your local super addict, I mean, supplier today and ask what they’ve got for you. If there’s something you want and they don’t have it, let ’em know and hopefully I can get it in their next case. Here’s the current status as best I know it:
The Pimpstress of Minneapolis-St. Paul just got a resupply on Monday (Kona, Kenya, Ethiopia, Sumatra, Death Wish).
The Intermittent Pimp of Dublin (Ireland) is due to get a case of assorted 1L bottles, including Death Wish, toward the end of next week. He may have completely pre-sold it so drop him a line if you are in need.
The Pimpstress of Greater Los Angeles will be getting a resupply this Wednesday if you need to caffeinate your Thanksgiving. Perhaps you have a thankfulness altar built to caffeine and need a centerpiece. If so, she’s got you covered though I think much of it will be going to people that made requests at the BBotE Tasting Party.
The Pimp of Santa Barbara will also be getting resupply this holiday weekend, though I can’t precisely tell you what he’ll be getting as it’ll be everything that’s not nailed down before I jump in a car and drive away.
The Caffeinatrix of Portland will be receiving her resupply run in the first week of December, content to be determined, likely to be high in Death Wish & Ethiopia.
The Pimpstress of NYC is likely to get resupply early in the second week of December, with case consist similarly to be determined.
The Pimps of London, Chicago, Austin, Houston, Seattle, and Baltimore/Washington DC are still decently supplied. The Pimp of Detroit is on hiatus unless someone makes a request of his services.
Fallout Shelter No. 9 1/2 – the kind of wonderful things you find while Urban Exploring
At last, the long promised “Bathrooms of Antarctica” post.
Once upon a time, in the dawn of the new millennium when Geocities and Angelfire sites still littered the internet, I came across a brilliant website, now lost to the ages, entirely dedicated to one man’s exploration of the world via it’s bathrooms. Now, you might not be terribly impressed by a series of pictures of porcelain from exotic locales (especially since the view doesn’t change all that much in bathrooms) but I took away a valuable lesson that complimented my interest in Urban Exploring. If you want an excuse to go visit any given place, it doesn’t get better than “I need to pee”.
This is how I came up with a new rule for myself: every day, use at least one toilet you’ve never used before. I have some friends with shy bladders or crippling cleanliness-focused OCD to whom this sounds like absolute torture, but it has served me well. Following this rule, I managed to learn the UC Berkeley exterior and interior within a matter of weeks. By the time a year had passed, I shocked employees that had been at Cal for decades with the ease that I traced the fastest/easiest path in three dimensional space between destinations. Just call me the Human Hamiltonian.
I’ve used urinals that were barely more than a funnel soldered into a joint on a drainpipe in mechanical chases. I’ve stepped into heavy oak paneled and door stalls with massive works of porcelain that are best described as “eliminatory edifices”, not toilets. I’m impressed with the utilitarian simplicity that is the New Zealand bog, where you’re standing on grating from the time you enter the bathroom and the entire floor below you is the drain. So, pick a wall and the they only thing you really need to manage is not urinating on your fellow patrons. For some folks this easier said than done, so it pays to be alert.
Where it gets interesting is when you discover a toilet you didn’t expect, such as the one in the middle of the old power plant for South Pole Station so the person on watch who can’t leave can still take care of business (the aforementioned funnel attached to a drain line). Would you recognize such a convenience if you saw it? I heard numerous tales of westerners who achieved extreme discomfort before realizing the hole in the floor was the toilet when visiting Southeast Asia, not a place where the toilet was stolen from. When water is precious, you don’t waste it on such things as flushing.
Of course, at South Pole Station, water is a luxury because it has to be melted using precious fuel. Every time you flush the toilet, you’ve effectively sent your business down the drain with JP-8 jet propulsion fuel. For this reason, the new elevated station has .5L per flush toilets and the waterless urinals that seem to be increasingly popular in California in years since I returned in 2003. But what about the previous iterations of the station and what of the remote buildings?
The Poopcicle – sewage pipe flange leaks are forever at the South Pole. Note that there’s another one at the next flange.
The first thing to know is that running water only happens if you have liquid water and pipes sufficiently insulated to bring it to you…and take sewage away. This is a problem in the Dakotas, much less Antarctica. In McMurdo, they get away with elevated insulated pipes but South Pole has to put all their pipes will under the ice for extra insulation; the constant -80F of 20′ below the surface is preferable to the variable -8 to -108F of the surface, plus they’d get buried by blowing snow anyway. You’ve seen wrapped pipes before I’m sure, but please look at the sewage line for South Pole Station. That is a 4″ line with 10″ thick of insulation and then the corrugated pipe. It was just barely enough to keep liquid water flowing in and out of the buildings of the central station, from the meltwater pumping well to the previous played out melt well that now serves as sewage bulb. What I’m getting at here is that flush toilets are a luxury at the South Pole and always have been because Fuel Is Life and how much of that do you want to spend on water you don’t absolutely need to survive?
South Pole Solar Outhouse (Note the freezer door style entry)
The answer is to take advantage of the environment. During the summer, there are portable solar toilets that are transported around the station on skids and planted near the worksites they’re needed most. 24hrs of low angle sunlight means that you can blacken the all the walls and be guaranteed that some part of the outhouse is getting enough sun to keep things melted. And let me tell you, as a toilet seat, 2″ thick heavy foam insulation is damn comfy. They work particularly well at Pole as there are no storms that to obscure the sunlight; at McMurdo one good hurricane-blizzard (AKA Herbies) and they’ll freeze solid without the sun, probably get buried under snow for good measure.
For the remote camps, where you’re just living in a tent for a couple weeks in the summer, you still have to have a toilet. The solution here isn’t much different than a Coleman camp toilet. The good news is that smell quickly stops being an issue as everything freezes. For men, we have the added benefit of the makeshift urinal made from a 55gal drum and a funnel.
During the winter, we used the same approach at the out buildings with the plastic bags placed outside to quickly freeze. NOTE: It’s is very important to remember that you did this. Otherwise, someone will receive a very unpleasant surprise when they clear away some snow later on.
The “Old Pole” Heads – I imagine the hinge & splinters would get a bit uncomfortable
It is worth noting that the first two iterations of Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station (the IGY ’57 station, AKA Old Pole, and “The Dome” in 1975) were built by the Navy. As such, they were able to take certain liberties with the comfort of the station crew. When you take into account that the no women wintered over at Pole until 1979 and none even visited prior to 1969, no segregated bathroom facilities were needed and even the main station were spartan. Interestingly, in terms of design, they’re not all that different from Roman latrines. There’s not all that much photo evidence handy of life when Old Pole was active, but the base is still there, 80′ under the snow and ice for people brave enough to go in and ignore the US Antarctic Program/Raytheon edict strictly forbidding entrance on pain of removal from the continent, forfeiture of pay & bonus, and ban from future return.
So, let us just say that these photos came into my possession. Let’s not discuss how I got them. Old Pole was abandoned because the weight of ice & snow overhead splintered a central support 8×8 timber. It takes a lot to break those. I’m to understand that when it buckled with a bang, the whole station heard and it sent out wooden shrapnel in manner that would have staked a whole platoon of vampires as an area effect weapon. That was 30+ years ago and the weight overhead has only increased, so enter at your peril. [UPDATE: Old Pole was imploded a while ago for safety.]
The point I’m getting at here is that everybody, all of humanity, every day, poops. There isn’t a society anywhere on Earth that doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions of this, from the most remote tribe of the Amazon, to the financial houses of the City of London, to the frozen wastes of Antarctica. Any place you go, you have a chance to learn how someone else goes, to build that little bit of empathy. And, on a practical level, it is a chance to learn the place you’re at in great detail.
Sooooo, remember my declaration last week that some time had cleared up in the schedule to do some experimentation? That window appears to have slammed shut. I have been reminded by my minion (AKA: work study student at Cal) that finals are coming up soon for semester based colleges, which helps explain a small surge that is a bit too early to be Festivus shopping. In that interest, I’ll see about cranking up the Death Wish production a bit more considering four bottles just went to one nursing student, just one. I can only hope he is sharing so he doesn’t die; alternatively, I’ll accept the treatment for functional immortality he figures out so that he doesn’t perish.
In other news, there was a great meeting of the minds as the Pimp of London and the Intermittent Pimp of Dublin got together for caffeination summit talks. Some excerpts from the meeting:
(1826GMT) Observation: Brady, AKA “the intermittent pimp of Dublin”, is presently sitting here with a bottle of BBotE and a bottle of Absinthe and is going “hmmm”… and the level of common sense in the room is slowly dropping. Will keep posted.
(2008GMT) The results are in! It was described as “alright!”, then “actually kind of nice!”, then “first the liquorice hits you, then the coffee!”, then “it’s a really nice, surprisingly tasty combination”, then “I feel like a dragon!”.
(2009GMT) Then “Is this real life? No, seriously, is it?”
Lose 3d10 SAN: With Drastically Lowered Common Sense, *THIS* Seems Like A Good Idea
On my consultation of the D&D library for the Dragon Disciple prestige class, London and Dublin are probably safe as the first step in the progression is only a natural armor boost. So, it’ll be more difficult for the Bobbies to take him down as he runs naked through the streets of London at 3am, but they’d have to decide to take him over the other afterhours loonies. [Edit: Actually, the meeting happened in Dublin, but this doesn’t prevent him running naked through the streets of London at 3am. In fact, it’s the kind of crazy I’d expect.]
More seriously, this is one of several tales of people have sent letting me know that the BBotE + absinthe combo was much more delicious than their brain thought it would be. I have to give New Orleans some credit as they poured absinthe into most everything to see if it was more delicious (by definition, most everything coming from New Orleans is already delicious).
In a shocking development, I have actually had enough free time to do some experimentation AND be able to write it all up for you, the adoring public. This is what playing at a remote radio telescope observatory without other distractions will do for you.
For experimentation, I decided to move a bit further down the African Rift Valley and sample the delights of Tanzania. In certain geology nerd respects, this is something akin to drinking coffee while time travelling. That is to say, the further south you go in the Rift Valley, the younger the volcanism is. As volcanic area gets older, the chemistry of it’s mantle source changes, particularly with decompression melting (AKA: spreading centers, like mid-ocean ridges and rift valleys). So, theoretically, drinking Tanzanian coffee is like drinking Ethiopian from 30 million years ago, ignoring climate differences of course.
So, what does the past taste like? The consensus is that it similarly fudgy to the Kenya, but it’s like a fudge made with nibby dark chocolate that’s low on butter. There appears to be a north-south “greasy”-to-chocolate spectrum for the Rift Valley. With vodka addition, the Tanzania became *dramatically* sweeter thought the flavor overall stayed the same. The next step, obviously, would be to experiment with some Malawi and Mozambique.
In my most recent acquisition of the Guatemalan Mundo Nuvo from Caffe Vita, I asked if them if they had anything else they were particularly proud of as they certainly impressed me the last time I did that. I was sent their Nicuraguan la Aserradero as they are well aware of my soft spot for light roasts from the Americas. The odd thing here is that tasters have been all over the map with previous Nicruaguans but there was a pretty solid consensus here: nuts.
Not talking peanuts here, which is something that has come up in other tastings, but the leading contenders were walnuts and pecans. The smell had a delightful coffee ice cream aroma to it, sweet and decidedly cream, which is what threw us for a loop when tasting and we got a strong nut flavor. Oh, there were bright citrus notes but nut was the primary, though James Brokentongue (his new D&D dwarf character name I think) declared tomato soup + smoked cheese.
With vodka addition, the fruity flavors went away and the nutty flavor moved closer to being like nocino. This makes sense as nocino is a walnut liqueur, although I doubt the la Aserradero will stain skin and clothes in a furniture polish manner like nocino does.
So, further experimentation is in order on both counts.
In other news, either today or tomorrow, Keith the BBotE Pimp of Austin, TX will receive his first case for local distribution. You may contact Keith by email, [email protected]. Save him from himself before he drinks it all.
Completely unrelated, but for those of you that are recovering Vampire: The Masquerade players, every time I declare a new BBotE Pimp/Pimpstress I feel like a justicar proclaiming a new prince. With that in mind, please, no one is allowed to claim praxis to become the Pimp of an existing domain. Alright, that’s enough nerd for the moment.
With a shuddering cringe, I realize that production timelines mean I need to make this reminder sooner rather than later so that no one is left out in the cold. Normally, I get rather grumpy with people that so much as breathe Christmas shopping in my general direction before Thanksgiving, but if I delay that long it might be too late for some folks. So, here’s my helpful thoughts I tossed together last year, with a few new additions from lessons learned in the last 12 months. And, yes, you may order now and drop a note asking me to delay production and delivery until December.
I, first, commend you for your dedication to your loved ones by recognizing their need for More Awesome in their lives with the gift of Scientific Drinking. Be it a 665ml Stein of Science, a Subaru Outback converted into a hovercraft, a 6pk of Black Blood of the Earth, or a gold plated quarter-stick of dynamite, you have chosen to give the very best. However, there’s a few things you should probably think about when placing an order for a gift from Funranium Labs:
BBotE Is Perishable: When refrigerated, it has a shelf-life of about three months (possibly longer, but I’m only going to quote three). If you’re going to wrap it and put it under the tree, this a present to put out on Christmas Eve and the promptly put back in the fridge after unwrapping.
International Shipments Of BBotE Go Out Express Mail: Because I don’t want BBotE to get stuck in postal facilities or customs, express is the only way to ship to minimize their time in bureaucratic hell. Expect it to take 3-5 business days to get to you.
APO/FPO: If you wish to send something out to someone with an Armed Forces address, there’s good news and bad news. Good news – it’s no more expensive than priority mail. Bad news – I can’t guarantee any date as to when things will arrive. Outside of active war zones, things move somewhat normally; inside war zones and ships at sea, things get iffy. Also, depending on routing, some nations (I’m looking at you, Turkey) have bounced BBotE on the basis that it is, and I quote, “morally questionable material” on the basis that any liquid from the West must be alcoholic in nature. In short, I’ll do my best but you’ve been warned.
Steins of Science Have A Three Week Lead Time: The steins are built to order and it sometimes takes a while to get parts in. Generally, things move much faster and ship within a week but you have now been warned of the possibility of delays. For some insight into which stein is the best fit for you, I rambled on that a while back. Steins that are on hand RIGHT NOW can be found here.
BBotE Production Is First Come, First Served: My maximum daily production output is 9L per day. Thus, people who request 12pk cases will lock up production for two days.
There’s No Kosher Or Halal Certification: While Robert Anton Wilson did confer the papacy upon me, and all the other people in the Porter College Dining Hall, this does not permit me to sanctify food. Sorry.
The 4300mL Stein of Science Is Ridiculously Large: Seriously, BIG. It will should take an entire pre-game, Super Bowl, and wrap up to go through this much beer. Or one cricket match. I’m just sayin’…
Yuri Gagarin's Spacesuit - A Man Who Knew How To Adventure In Style
I get a lot of people that tell me, “Dude! How have you done everything you’ve done in 36 years?” Funny, all I can see is all the things I haven’t done yet and far too few years to do it all.
So, to all of you, I give my birthday wish: Get your asses out there and explore. How should you do this? Take a part of your town you always drive through but never stop, except this time park, get out of the car and walk. Find a restaurant or bar, sit down, eat, drink, perhaps even talk to your fellow diners.
But if you need some help finding adventure, you’re in luck. There’s a website for you called Atlas Obscura. Find your town and go have some fun.
As for me, I’m currently watching Big Trouble In Little China for the who knows how manyeth time, drinking a lovely spot of whiskey given to me on my last birthday, and getting ready to go wandering around Palo Alto after, perhaps, molesting people at Pixar.
I expect you all to report back to me of the awesome shit that I’m not doing to make me jealous. GET TO WORK, PEOPLE!!! Hup Hup Hup!
I do my best to compose these posts with the appropriate level of insobriety fueling me. I like to think that it allows me to summon the correct creativity needed to share More Awesome. In this case, it is the vitriol directed at organizations Doin’ It Wrong.
This morning I just shipped a replacement Stein of Science to a gentleman in Hawaii since the postal service decided to play hockey with his package. I’m girding myself to file the insurance claim (which I slap on every stein shipment for just this reason) but I am warmed by the thanks I received for turning a replacement out in 48hrs and not charging to ship it. With friends from Hawaii and Alaska, I know how goddamn irritating it is to see “Offer Not Available in AK & HI”. May your new stein arrive safely, Max.
I’m often complimented on my customer service and I can credit it to a couple of places: a childhood doing retail sales in a pet store run by my parents and the bad customer service I receive on a daily basis from a dozen or so major companies. Rather than be infuriated to the point I decide obliteration of all customer service reps is the only solution, I try to learn a lesson of what is going wrong here.
And if by some reason Wells Fargo, Bank of America, Verizon, AT&T, PG&E, United Airlines, Delta Airlines, Enterprise Car Rental, Kaiser Permanente, Delta Dental, the California Department of Motor Vehicles, or Fry’s Electronics are reading this, please know that I have had the teeth gritting opportunity to learn something from all of you.
The primary failure all of these organizations have had is by approaching their customer service as a potential expense rather than an opportunity to make a future sale. Sure, the future is a nebulous place whereas the cash they already got from me is SOLID. Can’t take the future to the bank. However Verizon, as my favorite dead horse to beat, may rest assured that that they so thoroughly held on to the value of the original sale that they lost a customer of 10 years, my business for the foreseeable future, and (as they’re still getting here) continued bad word of mouth exposure. AT&T has definitely not endeared itself to me but they haven’t, thus far, managed to pass the very high irritation bar Verizon established.
How did these organizations fail me and so many others? One could list the myriad ways, but it comes from failure to understand the fundamental exchange in customer service, which is this:
YOUR CUSTOMER HAS A PROBLEM. THEY NEED YOUR HELP.
It’s really that simple. The next part is figuring out what the problem actually is and what help you can give.The customer has not contacted you because they feel like having a chat and have nothing better to do. If there was something wrong but it wasn’t important, they wouldn’t be spending their time to tell you about their problem.
Unfortunately, I find that customer service normally treats the problem as being “there is a customer trying to take the company’s money away”. The customer’s time is irrelevant to them as this isn’t something that can be seen in the balance sheet, so there is no particular incentive to be expedient. Customer service staff wages are already paid for so there is no particular bottom line gain to the company for them being expedient, only more money lost due to the increased number of refunds and return authorizations they process.
Another matter is the empowerment of service personnel. For large organizations, first tier customer service folks are a gauntlet for the customer to prove they are worthy of service. I can think of few jobs more depressing than one with scripted service interactions. You don’t have the power to approve anything, just provide roadblocks to quickly deny access to the rest of the customer service chain. A former corporate buyer I knew had the habit of immediately asking customer service representatives, “Do you have the authority to approve this?” If the answer was no, she asked for the rep’s supervisor, and repeated the question until she got to someone in sufficient authority to make a decision other than “No”. If you refused to pass her along or, even worse, your script took people like her into account and forced her through the gauntlet, there was price to paid, literally. She billed them for her wasted time on the next invoice they sent her and hooboy did it get ugly when they didn’t pay.
The lesson she taught me was that, from the customer perspective, the entire customer service hierarchy is superfluous until you get to the point that you hit someone that can make decisions. So, why don’t they have the authority? Either they hired incompetents too untrainable to have this authority OR the employees aren’t trusted to work in the company’s interest. Either way, this isn’t a good sign for the future of the company’s stock.
The alternative is that they simply don’t give a flying fuck once they get your cash. Their “customer service”, such that it is, exists to fulfill an organizational requirement, not actually function. See also: Death by Phone Tree, now with mystery auto-disconnects.
For better or for worse, Funranium Labs is me, my very patient webmaster, my even more patient Lovely Assistant, and the very brave volunteers that fill out the ranks of the Ambassadors…but mainly me. I would like to thank all the organizations that have given me so many object lessons in how to treat you all well. I think I’ve got it down to the point that I could do without any further education.
Oh wait, I have an insurance claim to make with USPS. Pardon me…it’s time to go take an advanced course.
For everyone back in Merrie Olde Englande (well, international in general) the shipping for Black Blood of the Earth has always been prohibitive. Prohibitivr to the point that the postage almost costs as much as the product in some cases, as BBotE must ship express internationally. The per liter shipping price improves with the larger volume items, but it’s still a substantial investment for something you’ve never tasted.
But now London, England (not Ontario, sorry Canada) will have local distribution. That’s right! There is going to be a BBotE Pimp of London. I can hear the Warren Zevon parody in my head right now.
Next week, Justin will come into possession of a case of assorted 1L BBotE bottles. We went for the larger size to give a better volumetric bang for the buck/pound in Transatlantic shipping. Anticipated going price for local hand off is $80. Expensive, but a nice discount on what the normal price with shipping is (~$110 for a single 1L bottle) to London.
If you wish to partake in his delights, you may contact the Lord BBotE Pimp of London by email, [email protected].
In other news, I finally cleared up some production schedule to the point that I can do some experimenting again. The folks at Caffe Vita, who give me the Mundo Nuvo I so adore, gave me a sample of their Nicuraguan they’re quite proud of to play with. Considering the last time they gave me something they were proud of it was the Guatemalan Mundo Nuvo, I’m rather excited about this.
Right. Back to thinking about plutonium for a while instead of coffee.
So, the folks at Giant Bomb and Tested.com got their hands on a respectable supply and variety of Black Blood of the Earth a couple of weeks ago and, so it seems, they’ve been hoarding it for this day. Sometime around noon they began their 24 hour Oktoberkast podcastathon thingee in support of Child’s Play (no, not the murderous puppet movie franchise). Not long after, they promptly broke into the BBotE.
Rather than a Q&A, I have answers to questions I didn’t know existed from a couple of astute Test Subjects that need sharing. First, from Germany I have this fascinating missive:
I just liberated my shipment from the German customs office, and experienced something you might be interested in.
I declared BBotE as “coffee extract”, which seemed accurately enough, and then discovered that Germany still has a coffee tax (the things you forget…). In order to calculate this the dry coffee mass in the extract is needed. This seemed to promise some back and forth between me, you and the customs office, until I remebered to ask for the base amount of coffee tax.
4.78EUR per kilogram of dry mass.
I opted to declare the mass of the whole liquid content as dry coffee mass, paid 5.98EUR of coffee tax, and took my package home.
Interestingly, this particular bit of tax is something that is as old as the Franco-Prussian War and has fluctuated with time and government. I’m fond of the theory that the rise of chicory blended coffee in Germany was to help avoid this tax as it has traditionally been a “by weight”.
If you have interesting tales of tariffs, taxes, and customs I’d love to hear them. Generally, I hear “Got it. WOOOOO!!!” but not the travails. So far, only Royal Mail/Parcelforce (AKA Parcelfarce, as Charlie Stross likes to call them) have caused me any deep vexation, greatly delaying the delivery of a birthday stein to a certain bearded madman.
Meanwhile, in the vicinity of Seattle, Test Subject Scottie sends this:
See, I love to drink coffee, but for whatever reason (it actually isn’t the caffeine) it had a tendency for giving me headaches. Not one to shy away from a bad idea for immediate gratification, I bought BBotE anyway, and… no headache. I don’t know why, and I don’t care, because you have given me back the gift of delicious coffee.
In return for this treasure, I should tell you that I use a well-placed cup of the stuff to get my rather rotund self up and active when I haven’t done my work-out for the day. I’m not saying you SHOULD completely exaggerate that story to market BBotE as a means of losing weight, but if you did, I’d understand. It might also be of note that more than a few members of my family line were very wealthy snake-oil salesmen. You can interpret that how you like.
Whatever gets you going, sir. Always glad to hear BBotE helping folks out. Bizarre as it is to think of it as a health food, it’s genesis lays in my trying to reduce sugar intake as a diabetic. Speaking of headaches, Test Subject Jana in LA had this to say:
I’ve always loved deep, dark roasts both for taste and tunnel vision (or is it a worm hole?) effect. I’m a writer and live my life by deadlines that are less about sheer time than they are about getting to a better answer faster. Nothing does that like coffee.
Sadly, in my early 40s, coffee started not loving me. On a regular cup, within minutes, my face breaks out, eyes itch and puff up. Where I used to feel smoothly creative, my forehead feels like concrete and I just get angry. Even going into a coffeehouse where they’re pulling shots can be a problem. Tea is fine, so I assume it’s something about the coffee oils.
I tried cold drip coffee but I HATE the taste. I love green and black teas, but they don’t deliver the specific sense of concentration that coffee does. I’ve tried ingesting caffeine in just about every other way imaginable (yes, that way, too) and nothing works.
And then came Death Wish. While it hasn’t solved all of life’s problems, the smooth concentration and intense flavor are everything I love about coffee. And a bottle and a half later, no inflamed skin or itchy eyes. After Natara’s (ed: the Pimpstess of Greater LA) warnings to be judicious, I’ve found that 25ml in the morning over ice with milk and water is perfect. (More than that is like putting a vise around my head — still clear thinking, but pressurized.)
Better living through science, indeed.
I’m sure the ladies and gents out at Death Wish are happy to be part of the writing process.
South Pole Station Service Tunnels – You Probably Don’t Want To Think To Hard About What This Is
Anyway, those are a few interesting missives that have rolled in recently that I thought were worth sharing in lieu of the promised Antarctic Toilet Expedition. Fear not, procrastination will break eventually. In the meantime, a teaser.
Moving on to happier topics, I try to invoke Professor Farnsworth whenever possible as I am a Platinum Club Elite Member of the Angry Dome and the Chamber of Understanding.
The first case to the Pimp of DC/Baltimore, Eric, should be arriving tomorrow. As more than a few folks have asked when the Capitol Wasteland would finally enjoy it’s own BBotE Pimp, instead of it’s conventional run of the mill pimps, your desires have been answered.
The Pimpstress of NYC, Wish,will be getting a resupply that his heavy in Death Wish early next week. I hear tell that she will be wandering the floors of NY ComicCon, likely armed with 50ml vials. And if you are wandering through NYCC, please make a point to go torment the boys & girls over at the Atomic Robo table. Even if Ernest P. Warrell (AKA Scott Wegener) has a pants malfunction, it’ll still be a good time.
The Pimpstress of Greater Los Angeles, Natara, is in possession of a similarly Death Wish heavy case and will be receiving another one soon for her proposed BBotE tasting party at the end of October that will have a little bit of everything in it.
And Ireland, you may get a highly intermittent Pimp in Dublin. More news on that as it develops.
As a reminder, the Pimps and Pimpstress serve their noble roles as volunteers, unpaid save for the very ready availability of BBotE to their persons. They are doing you a favor by dramatically cutting shipping costs down, so please treat them nicely. Thank you, kids.
